Crouch End Lower Mixed Infants School Nativity Play

Crouch End Lower Mixed Infants School Nativity Play

21 December, 2.00 – 3.00pm
St Clement’s Church Nativity Scene and
School Hall
Accompanied by Crouch End Lower Mixed Infants Choir
Piano and musical direction: Jane Willoughby
Virgin Mary – Sara Halteaser
Joseph – Joshua Self
Kings, shepherds, angels, sheep – Members of Year 1,2,3
Wardrobe assistance: Monika Kass
We are grateful for help received from our sponsors:
Woolworths, Budgens, Cuddles Pet Accessories, Salwar Kameez Fabrics,Grindleys Hardware Store, Green Thoughts in Green Shade Garden Centre.






Is Big Day. Is Nativity. I tell Mrs Willoughby I go home failure if this day not bring spirit of Christmas to Crouch End. She look at me peculiar-like. We must all meet outside at Church Nativity Scene. We stares at plastic Virgin and Joseph. We hear Church of England vicar (means depressed man
asking what is meaning of Christmas like he not know either). Some peoples are clapping the prayer (they does not go to church regular, is clear). It is prayer to remind us of meaning of Christmas and of how baby Jesus he is born to bring love and hope in world. Then something not expected is happening. There is noises of something moving in Nativity Scene. The children is saying is something inside. They saying ‘it’s God’ or ‘is Father Christmas’ and is told by parents ‘do not be ridiculous.’ But then, you not believe this, Mrs Awale and Ahmed, embarrassed-like, is coming out. Is everyone clapping again and I hear one woman say is Mrs Willoughby idea of
multi-cultural Christmas.

I is so happy they are found, Kaja, all the worry of Nativity Play it vanish (for about five seconds). I holding Mrs Awale’s hand, she so cold she shiver. She say she has the temporary accommodation but it not last. They had nowhere to go and it so cold they can only think of Nativity Scene. She say why is people there to look at her. I tell her it is Nativity and is Ahmed in it.

We must rush as I in charge of costumes for Mixed Infants and I think we may have tea towel headdresses crisis.

Is chaos back of school hall (is not surprising, 128 Mixed Infants). Ahmed he wear bobble hat and Batman cape. Him and his mother looks at Josh’s costume (Stella McCartney green dress) like it Crown Jewels. I tell Mrs Awale Ahmed can be sheep.

School hall filled with families. I see with Fay and Sophie (has flashing pink fairy lights on kilt) and Eric (wears Joseph Technicolour Dream Coat). I do a wave like HMR Queen. I sees Cressida other side of hall come in. Is wearing shiny silver coat that people is all admiring. She come in with father, nasty red-faced man – look so like her.

We is all going to our seats. All is ready so I go sit with audience. We know Nativity Play begin when Mrs Willoughby pick up her chopstick. There is singing of ‘Silent Night, Holy Night, All is Calm, All is Bright’. Then curtains open slowly. Virgin she look nice (thank God for the Peter Jones). But then is things begin to go wrong. Ahmed he wearing Stella McCartney dress with Arsenal number and he tell inn keeper he sheep and is there room for him and Virgin. Josh now in bobble hat and Batman cape, not sure if he Joseph or sheep or Batman. I see Cressida. She look like she paralysed like as if seeing a nightmare. I thinking Ahmed decide to be Eminem as he start do ‘Away in a Manger’ like rapping.

I never think of Joseph – or sheep – doing the thing with hand between legs either. Other sheeps, kings, shepherds and angels they joins in too. No rehearsing but they seems to know what to do. Mrs Willoughby not blink eyelid and conduct them with her chopstick. All this quite original when you think of it long time after. Everyone claps spontaneous-like when they understand new direction of story. Then, Cressida father stand up and say in loud voice: ‘Look. That coloured kiddie’s stolen our Josh’s costume!’ But Josh call back loud: ‘No, he didn’t Grandad, I gave it to him. He’s my friend.’ All the people make a nice sound like ‘Aaaah’ and is more clapping, and peoples lean forward and touch Cressida on shoulder and saying ‘What a sweet little boy – giving to those
less fortunate than himself at Christmas.’

Is all doing ‘Oh, Come All Ye Faithful’ (sheep is now in line behind Joseph and choir is getting hang of things), when I see person come in back of door. Is Tom. Theo start waving at him from stage (not matters, is much worse going on). There is ‘While Shepherds Watched Flocks’ (Shepherds and angels does own rapping now – is feeling more confident) and then we has ‘Once in Royal
David’s City’, kings-alone version. Mrs Willoughby do chopstick conducting still – I not seen her so excited since tell me she only have 1,239 days till her retirement. Then mixed Infants sing ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’. Mrs Awale, Mrs Willoughby, me, I think whole world, we is all doing our
blubbering. Audience they clapping like I never heard. They especially loud for Ahmed
and Josh. Then (finally) all is with parents having refreshments. I seeing
Fay and Theo run to Tom and each has a swing and kisses. And then Sophie go to father and they say words. I blubber some extra. Then is Bella. I close eyes. I want go off somewhere other side of earth. When I open she and Tom alone; Sophie taken brother and sister away. Eric come to me, say ‘Peace and love. Cool afternoon. Tom wanted to be here.’ I say how he know? He wink. I say ‘He stay in solstice tent?’ He re-wink.

Then I all alone on stage picking up the fun fur that is being separated from its fabric. Then I hearing my name. ‘Monika.’ I tired and think I imagine everything. But is real. But is also a dream – a dream that is coming true. Perhaps. IS SVEN. He standing next to me. He seem twenty feet tall. I still so dwarf even in new Dolcis boots. He take my bin bag. He say ‘sorry.’ Hall it so noisy and I say we must go out. We stand in freezing playground. He wearing long black coat. Look like soldier in Russian Revolution. I so red, look like boiled Estonian beetroot.

He say ‘I owe you apologies’. Then Cressida is coming. Her eyes is on him like I don’t exist. Her smile come out like hedgehog unfurl when it think no one about. She say she didn’t know Sven in London. She do cheek kissing but make most of it. Oomaigaad!

I just watch. He not unfurl like hedgehog. He not say anything either. Just look at her cold-like. Cressida she look embarrassed.

I walk inside school and Sven follow. Only is now Theo rush up and saying ‘Where’s Ahmed and his mum? Josh and me’ve been looking for them.’ Then we running around like the legless chickens. Is Sophie and Eric helping us. We looking everywhere but they nowhere.

Outside is only two ways. Sven and me go one way, Sophie and Eric other way. I asking Mrs G has she seen them (she wearing extra fairy lights, on lollipop too.) She say they cross road few minutes before: they going down hill. Sven run ahead. We sees them at bus stop. I know is Ahmed, is wearing green Stella McCartney. Bus stops – and when it leave is big relief because
Ahmed, his mum and Sven is still there. My make-up is running like Woolworths’ Christmas candle.
We goes back up hill. Mrs G she offering free trips across road to anyone who pass by. I not seen such big queues of traffic ever. She ask if we wanting to look in her hole. It is that time of year when all wishes come true, she say. We see McDonalds wrapper, Coke can, Christmas wrappings and gas bill. As we at bottom of hill we turn round and sees her and her lollipop. She is flashing like to rival top of Canary Wharf. I holding Mrs Aswale’s hand as we go back to school. She freezing.
Fay and Theo is taking Mrs Aswale and Ahmed home with them and partents. Giant exclamation mark! Yes – Bella and Tom together! Then for me is more adventure. Sophie and Eric pushes Sven and me in van.

Soon we is in bender tent in wood. Winter Solstice not selling, say Eric. Next time is going to link with pet re-incarnation as people prefer spend Christmas with dead pets than relatives. I say is this true or is he ‘pulling my foot?’ (means joking). He say is true (but smile a bit). I say English people not so nice with each other sometimes. He say is true. Sophie say she and Eric come back tomorrow morning, so is just me and Sven in bender. They smiles at each other and is gone. Top is too low for Sven standing so we can only lie on cushions. He look nervous as if I is having
torture instrument for him. ‘It is my fault,’ he say, and not look me in the face. ‘It was all so busy that I forget to ring and then it was too late. I am taken in by the money but I am student and au pair and when everyone say you are so good looking and all you have to do is sit in front of cameras … it is like a big finger calling you in.’ He thinks he do it like hobby but is big job and is not sure who is your friends and all is boys, aged twenty, with the plastic surgery and botox. He say has broken contract illegal-like and is to pay back all money he earn. Then he look at me, close-like and make a big, big sigh. ‘Is not all the truth,’ he say. ‘The big truth is that I cannot fly to New York. I cannot fly at all, anywhere, because of the vertigo and feeling scared. I only tell them at last minute I came from Stockholm in container boat at Hull. I am sick otherwise over all available spaces.’ He does bit of crying. I put finger on his mouth like to say ‘shhh’ I saying we all done our stupid things and we all learning. Is longest night of year. We still wearing Sophie, Eric’s Wellington boots, Sven he
smile (first time) and we wiggling them off. Then we giggle, not caring.

Candle is blowing out …. Then is some sounds. I say is only animals but one has cough and another know Crazy Frog ring tone. Bender door opening slowly. We see light of torch. Is Fay, Theo, Sophie and Eric. ‘Sophie says we have to wait ‘til you and Sven have warmed each other up,’ say Theo. We wondering how long they been standing outside bender. Sophie say,
embarrassed-like, Bella and Tom is thinking it nice idea for children to spend Solstice Night with Sven and me so we not lonely. Eric has extra drums for us to ‘invoke mother goddess,’ he say. I re-light candle in this longest night. Is so nice Bella and Tom thinking of other people equally at
Christmas time. Sophie take them all off to find mother goddess.

Maybe I not coming back to Estonia like I said. I seeing what happening in
New Year.

All the Happy Christmases from Crouch End.

Transformational Change Through Interactive Analysis

Transformational Change Through Interactive Analysis Questionnaire

Name: Monika Kass

Star sign: Leo

Date of birth: 19/08/87

People you identify with: Chris Martin (nice man, is shame about Gwyneth Paltry), Queen of England (difficult job and husband). Bob Geldorf (but wish he not swearing words.)

People you don’t identify with: Mother (is not understanding me), English people’s that thinks I stupid (I is watching their television programmes and they calling me stupid.)

Personal growth courses attended: Communist Sunday School, Body Shop lady on essential oils who tell me I have problem skin, my friend Kaja, she is source of all wisdom I now realizes.

Name three things you’ve done in the past year that you’re proud of: re-decorated bedroom own way – getting rid of national dishes wallpaper, coming to England (I thought), cannot think of third.

If you could have anyone as a friend, who would it be? Still Kaja (I wish I listen to her advice right from start).

Have you fulfilled all your educational ambitions? I is finishing secondary school. I is wanting to see world (UK). Or so I believed (month ago).

How do you visualize your life journey? Is maze and I forget which side to walk on so that I get out. Cannot see over bushes to cheat.

Imagine you are free to do anything – how would you like to spend your day? I used to think Top Shop, Oxford Street but without eight year-old girl asking if she can have five years’ pocket money at one time. I not so sure now.

If you had one wish for humanity what would it be? We is all treating each other equally.

This information will be invaluable to you as a participant at this year’s Winter Solstice Celebration. Please hug the person next to you and light a patchouli candle with them.

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas
Dear Sophie, Faye, Theo and Bella

May Christmas bring you warmth and cheer,
And leave its brightness all next year!
Hope all is well. I am well. I miss you.

Love Dad xxxx

Monika, thank you for coming back

Monika, you don’t know how glad I am. Thank you for coming back. I’ve suddenly realised we haven’t ordered anything for Christmas. I was going to try to go to shops during my lunch break but as you’re back, etc, etc.

My parents don’t know how to react. My father seems to think Tom’s just popped out to buy some rawlplugs and been diverted. Mother has said it’s a pity it’s at Christmas, as if it would have been better planning to shag an ex-neighbour when there isn’t the same worry about sufficient turkey portions. My parents are coming for Christmas. Their world would collapse if they had to sit down for Christmas lunch without a man fiddling with giblets and me doing something in the kitchen with incompetently cooked parsnips. Christmas is like a noxious gas that seeps up under your closed door and no one can escape it.

Do I miss him or don’t I? Am I just used to him like a piece of hideous old pine furniture I never got round to replacing, because it’s got all your personal little things in its nooks and crannies and you wouldn’t know where else to put them? Or do I miss him being bumbling, even if he’s bumbling
away my life and can’t even do adultery properly? It’s true, once you’re post-partum, you do see things differently. It’s another country from which the traveller only returns with the smell of Calpol, phonetic spelling and fifteen years of pesto suppers. If I have to hear my unmarried colleagues
boring on about their latest sexual encounters or Big Brother again I think I shall scream. Jesus, I’m forty three; I can remember Simon Le Bon before he was famous. Monika, what am I supposed to do?

Oh, I’ll be back late – meeting. Theo volunteered me to help at school Nativity Play rehearsal. Hope you don’t mind taking my place. I don’t think you have to do very much.

Bella x



Yes, I still here. I telling you one thing: as Christmas come close, it more and more mad here. Is only time all families must force themselves come together. All they is talking about is bringing relatives they not like across country to sit in front rooms just like their own. They is jealous of those that is going to Centre Parks (like big Eskimo house but you see through it) or sunny places where you just take clothes off and not bothering.

I do strange thing called Nativity Play. It mean children on stage and forced to be angels and sheeps – but they no idea what is all about. We has nothing like this in Estonia. Theo teacher put me in charge of costumes. This Mrs Willoughby teacher, she look tired (so tired you are not seeing her eye balls). She say it very difficult to make time for what she call ‘extra curricular activities’ like birth of Jesus. I watch rehearsal: it not good. Is Virgin Mary with make-up, Joseph (nice costume, is Josh), a doll (Barbie) for Jesus, too many king and shepherds (Theo is shepherd), some angels (Fay, she has Barbie wings) and forty three sheeps (with sound of ba-ba-ba in twenty different languages). Virgin Mary tell me her mother spend half one day searching for right material in Peter
Jones which is making the rest of us feel like the Polish pig slops. Theo say he will not wear shepherd tea towel on head until we put on it the number ’10’ and ‘Bergkampf’. I tell Mrs Willoughby about Ahmed – she say if he come back he can be sheep (wear shaggy toilet mat).

After rehearsal I is seeing Cressida. She is telling woman her son wear a costume designed by Stella McCartney – a Beatle daughter – special-like. She see me and her smile about half-mile wide (800 metres). This Cressida woman, I just see her and I have knife through heart.

I collect Theo and Fay. Theo ask if Jesus got extra big presents from Joseph because not his real father and was feeling guilty. We pass lollipop lady. She wearing her flashing reindeer things on head. She call out ‘I’m having all the trimmings’ Do not know what this is meaning. She say someone is throwing in her hole a cabbage and person’s burger and she expecting a lot
more, because Christmas. We all look in hole together. I say we do not have so many holes in Estonia. She look at me with concern and say she sure things will get better, then walk out in front of lorry. I still not understand the English.

I cannot be coming home for the moment, I having too many responsibilities here for the English Christmas thing. Everyone needing me …except the ONE person I want to be needing me.

I still not heard from HRH Queen. I is still hoping.

DEar H.M.H Queen

26 Merryfields Avenue
Crouch End,
London,
Europe

17 December 2007

Dear H.M.H Queen

I know you busy too but wanted to ask about two people I know: Mrs Aswale and her son Ahmed. They was from Somalia but Mrs Aswale’s husband he killed and they no choice but come to England as refugee. I know your family is German refugee so you must know what it is when people saying nasty things about you. They so frightened they run away because they do not have piece of paper to say they can stay here and be legal-like. We look everywhere but we are not finding them.

I would be every so grateful if you arrange for them to stay here just as you and your family stay here for all these so many years.

I sending you all the wishes of the season and hope you visit my country of Estonia before you too old.

Yours sincerely
Monika Kass (Miss)

The people iscoming to arrest my mother and me

Monika

The people is coming to arrest my mother and me. They say we have not the
right piece of paper. They want us to go back in our country. This is why we
go without saying goodbye. Please tell Theo I have not taken his Spiderman
gun with me. My love to Maureen the guinea pig.

From Ahmed (and his mother)

I not going back to Estonia. Yet. I explain. I get message from Sophie and Eric and then they is arriving in van outside Buckingham Place. They is passing me letter from Mrs Aswale saying they will be arrested and must run away. Sophie found in kitchen. She persuade me I only person who can rescue family. Sophie she say children’s Christmas will be too sad without me; is likely Fay and Theo will receive Asbos (for naughty people) if they’s not told how people behave
in Estonia. She say I is like sister she never had. She kiss me. I cannot be leaving them now.

I is in Eric’s flat with him and Sophie. I very tired sudden and I cry a little bit but Eric is very nice to me saying all I need now is ‘to get myself centred-like’ and is fault of civilisation, we is all hurrying everywhere, we is never asking ourselves what is all about. Is nice smell, incense, and music like tinkling water. Eric give me drink of green tea in bowl like Japanese and tell me to rest on bed. They has to go but leaves me with personal growth questionnaire, as think it help me make my life decisions. I must go now. I expect be home soon to hear more about Kaja's engagement ring.

She come running to men like moth with trainers

I stand outside Buckingham Palace . Is only half-past seven. I too early for plane, so I make detour: I think I perhaps see HRH the Queen or at least Queen Camilla; is memory of England I wish to be having. I waving but then I see curtain closed at HRH’s window. She may be wanting to avoid talking from her family about what they is doing for Christmas for as long as is possible.

I coming back to Estonia and my future with Arvo Pitkin. He man who we knows what we is getting, even if it is mainly fridge magnets. He not changing his personality half-way through (like some others). I thinking of Arvo and his personal qualities and sure will remember one. I remember my friend Kaja say she has found several in Mart when she sends out search party.

I thinking serious-like what I does here. I coming to England for escaping Estonia; I feeling too sophisticated for my home country and is reading all these things about England and run away to show my mother that I do not have to spend forty years in wood factory and marry hairy man. I even thinking I more sophisticated than Kaja and Mart because they saving up for leather armchair and does not wish to see the world. But I is learnt, it is Monika who is not sophisticated. She come running to men like moth with trainers. She think she is special star on soap opera who get all best words to say. I hoping Kaja and Mart forgive me. Taitsa jama!

We are but star sailors in the night

Dear Monika

Thank you for looking after us. It was good of you to take us to Hamleys and the London Eye. I want you to have my free hairslide from Accessorize. Here it is.

Lots of love
Fay


Dear Monika

I will still like Estonia even if they beat Arsenal. I think.

Theo Markham
PS Here is my last Bob the Builder biscuit.

Dear Monika

I’m really sorry you’re going. It was lovely doing the metta bhavana meditation together and connecting with the universe. Sorry you won’t get to see the Solstice bender; we have exciting plans for a compost toilet soon.
In peace and loving kindness
Sophie

We are but star sailors in the night
Shiva Eric


Dear Monika

Thanks you for all your help. I’m not sure if it’s been the best introduction to the English way of life and I can’t help thinking we’re partly to blame. But I hope you go back to Estonia with some good memories. And thank you for listening to me, once again.
Love to your family and here is the money we owe you.
Happy Christmas from us all
Love
Bella

I think Sven not forget me

I think Sven not forget me. After the 360 degrees on London Eye I think there is more. I never been invited to something so romantic sounding as launch of male moisturiser. It put our Mr Spock Convention in Tallin Travel Lodge far in perspective.

I not know what to wear. But I borrow nice dress from Sophie and we cover ‘Piss Off Morons’ with lacy bit. She want to put make-up on me but I say I do not want to look like Siouxie Banshie with punched in face. I let Fay do me little bit glitter make-up as she just finished making of Christmas cards and some glitter is remaining.

My friend Kaja would not believe hotel. It so posh, designed by Philip Starkers. Celebrities like Gwyneth Paltry and Kate Moss is just popping in way we do to nasty shop in garage. Is not like hotel we know where you buys gonks in Estonia national costume and is sent straight to room to watch Emmanuelle 45. No, is lots of marble blocks what change colour and if people serving they looks like models, what do the models look like?

I go through door. Is big dark room and there is spacey music that cool people need for their talking. I see people but not anyone I know. Girl give me bag with male moisturiser. I given drink and I drink quick (bad idea). Then I see photographers is flashing. It is Sven. Kaja, he is in LOVELY white suit and MORE tanning than ever. You see male moisturiser work on him perfect. They all clapping, especially the ones what has spent years of their lives making this moisturiser. Sven he look embarrassed but is shyness nice. They is lots of women (models) around him. I green. Is good they cannot see my jealous colour.

Sven he see me and come over. We is like both ends of magnet ends and is gentle kiss (dark but lots of people looking). But he say there is another something else big he must tell me. Before he say there is thirty foot plasma screen comes down and he is taken away by more women who need him to do his business.

They showing his TV advertisement. Is Sven as handsome space explorer. He go to Mars (exclamation mark) but because he use Vanquish 7 his skin perfect, even in asteroid attacks. When he land there is Martian women who won’t wear bras and they want to check his perfect skin (and other things). We all claps.

I think Sven has gone to real Mars. I not see him anywhere. Then I see the Cressida. I see way she look at him, like she knows things deep inside Sven, like she is dentist of his heart. Then there is model girls with him. Their eyes is towards me and I hear some words they say: ‘short’, ‘funny hair’, ‘horrible dress’, ‘looks like a fairy doll that went wrong’. They think I not hear but I does. They laughing at me, Kaja, laughing at me.

I take another drink (very bad idea). Man come to me and ask if I enjoying myself. I no reply. He say is product manager and is one of fastest growing areas of beauty business. Is men now worrying as well as women. It not surprising, he say, that Sven off to New York for six months for promoting Vanquish in North American market. I say what? He say is their biggest market – UK is only blip. Brad Pitt he only come to London so he visit the Harrods. Then Sven he finally appear. He touch my shoulder. He say he sorry, he have no choice: it part of his contract, but it only six months. That is big thing he was wanting to tell me. Then there is newspaper person who needs him and he go off.

All I want is leaving room. I go past marble blocks, people who is thinking they is models doesn’t even look at me. There is people smoking outside. I stands and waits. I thinking Sven will see me gone and do a chase after me. He will do apologies and say nice things about my dress and personality. But it is ten minutes and it is cold. I wait and he not come. I get London taxi. It cost all my week’s money. Still I don’t have enough and must get out at Finsbury Park.

When I pass underground station, I seeing Mrs Awale and Ahmed. They stand beside big suitcase and black rubbish bags. She say Cressida sack her because of the pants.Then they been told to leave flat. We is taking their luggage up Crouch Hill. I tell them I going back to Estonia and I give them my room. They too tired to argue. I has nowhere else to sleep. I in tree house with Maureen the Guinea Pig. What Fay say is true.

Now I see – mans like Sven never love dwarfy girl. Maybe only mans like Arvo Pitkin is marrying girl like me and my mother right to see future for us on all fridges in Estonia. I think of Café Flamingo and how Vladislav nice to me when I cry because manager call me toxic dwarf for few plates dropped. I had enough – I going back to Estonia.

Fay give me letter

Fay give me letter. She say she found it under door mat. Has been there many days.

Atlantis plc is pleased to invite Monika Kass to the launch of
Vanquish 7
The revolutionary new concept in male moisturisers – with extra collagen
Featuring the brand new face launching across five continents
Sven Appleson
St Martin’s Lane Hotel, St Martin’s Lane, London
7.00 for 7.30pm, 10 December 2006
RSVP. 0207 457892

I am going to be away for a little while.

Dear Fay, Theo and Sophie
I am going to be away for a little while. I want you to be extra good and help Mum and Monika as much as possible. When you decorate the Christmas tree why not put it in the front window so that everybody can see it.
Lots of love
Dad


Dear Dad – it’s alright – it’s just a consequence of the breakdown of patriarchal hierarchies in Western society. Don’t worry. Soph.


Dear Dad, Can you just make sure we don’t get Maureen the Guinea Pig to look after. Mrs Willoughby passes her on to anyone whose parents might be getting divorced. It’s supposed to ‘help them through a difficult time’. It’s not a nice guinea pig, she farts. Fay

You think they is Waltons but is really Sopranos

Is bad, since last time I write.

Is Tom, he and this Cressida they having something together. Ican’t believe either. Bella discover Tom is taking off the pants in Cressida bedroom. You see Tom, you wonder sometimes if he even have a pulse, but is quieter ones, we know. I remember Erkhi in Geography lesson. He not say word in class while we study Ice Age but once behind terminal moraine in field he is melting all inhibitions. I in chair quite moody myself doing ‘Are You a Romantic Failure?’ quiz when Bella she explode like nuclear bomb. ‘It seems you can’t keep your job or your Y-fronts in place,’ she say. ‘ But at least you got round to doing something, I suppose. Can the hole in the ceiling and the radiator be next, please.’ Bella ‘tired and emotional’ (we say this in Britain; lower class people say ‘knackered’, not so nice).

Tom he tell Bella this Cressida invite him round to show him old Middlesex paintings she buy. He not expect them to be in bedroom. ‘One thing led to another and it was only one minute thirty seconds,’ he say. I not sure if he boasting or saying it hardly anything. I think of Sven with this woman – what else she be taking up into her bedroom? Is pictures of Sven’s home town to bring him back the memories? No wonder Sven not ringing – she probably has rooms full of his favourite
things. What does I have?

Then Bella she tell Tom to leave now. She cannot have him here. Bella then cry. I’m not knowing what to say because the underpants is not lying. ‘I thought Cressida and me were friends,’ she say, ‘but she always did look down on my John Lewis china.’ It not her fault she could not afford the
Conran, she say. I bring Mansize tissues and she does big blow. I not hear Cressida described in so many nasty words before. It so good. These English middle class families, Kaja. You think is Waltons but find out is really Sopranos.

I go see Tom in tree house. I do knock knock as I do not wish to trespass. Is under black cloak of Sophie which say ‘I believe in fairies.’ I ask if I get him cup of tea but he say no (I learn in UK if any difficult emotion situation you ask them if they want the tea and hope they say yes and you not having to talk to them about the difficult thing.) Tom say no.

I do little cry for them both as I walk back through cold garden. I cry for Fay, Theo and Sophie. I cry for myself – Sven still NOT ring - I cry for Estonia during all years when Father Christmas banned because not member of Communist Party. I cry for world. I look up at stars twinkling, so clear and bright, and wonder what they thinking about us mad people down here?

I hear from my friend Kaja that she starting Christmas preparations with her Mart and has been to snowy forest together to find their Christmas tree. I teach children traditional Christmas Bottle game our boys and girls knows from Estonian past, and show how one who has moved bottle has to kiss person it point at. They look at me as if I sad person from sad country. I expect boy Vladislav be preparing his Baltic Ice Queen Margharitas now and is doing Christmas display with parrots. I just a little bit home-sick.

I hope to start doing dialogues at some time in the near-future

Monika


Excuse note, out extra early this morning for meeting. Ask Sophie if she’s sent ALL my bras to developing world before they’re hundred-wash grey.

Theo can only go to football practice if promises to do reading homework.

Can read Arsenal programme again if all else fails. Mrs Willoughby has
agreed as last resort.

Will be late tonight. Joining work colleagues for drink in not-even-ironic karaoke bar. And I used to think that team members who drank together on Wednesday evenings and had a penchant for crisps and sticky table tops and floors were sad. Thank you for listening to me last night - sorry if it was a monologue. I hope to start doing dialogues at some time in the near future.

Yours

Bella

P.S Can you dig out Xmas decorations and the tree. I think they’re somewhere in the cupboard outside your room. Fay can decorate with Bratz if she really must.

I am in the tree house tonight

Dear Everyone,

I am in the tree house tonight. Fay: I have your Barbie Liquid Torch.

Love

Dad

I find man pants on bedroom floor of Mrs Self

Dear Mr and Mrs Markham and Monika.

This is Ahmed Awale. I write this for my mother because I have gooder English. But she is saying this.

I wish thank you for job (Monika). Very nice at the Mrs Selfs where I cleaning for all her white things. I feel some sorriness that not pay much as last job but I grateful. I bring along my son, Ahmed, who is expert at the Spiderman jumping on her big white sofa. He show Josh, her son, how to do it.

I must do very big cleaning here and bedrooms, too. I find man pants on bedroom floor of Mrs Self today. She tell me they Mr Markham’s. I wash specially and put through letter box in case he need them. Nice and fresh Y-fronts. I hope you is pleased.

We seeing you all soon, I expect.

Yours bestly

Mrs Awale