Tom, you should have a health warning

Tom, you should have a health warning: ‘ I wear elasticated shoes because I trip over my own laces …’I do career entropy – what do you do in the office?’ There’s a huge Visa bill on the dresser for all the things we can’t afford before Christmas. Please pay it because this may be the last time we are ever able not to afford a hundred and eight Christmas presents equivalent to the GDP of a minor African nation. There’s a gas bill next to it. Please pay that too. I’m going to be late tonight. Some of the younger members of my team have invited me out for a drink. They’re always inviting me out for a drink – because they’re in their twenties and thirties, they’re single and, do you know what, they’re happy, and I’m always saying ‘I’ve got to rush home. I’ve got to check the children have done their homework and that my prat of a husband isn’t just sitting there reading a book on the M11.’ But this time I’ve said yes. Tell Monika Fay needs picking up from Brownies and the Dinosaur Shapes are at the top of the freezer. Have you ever thought about working in a sleep laboratory – or would that take too much energy and initiative?

Bella