I have urgent news. I start at beginning.

I have urgent news. I start at beginning.

On way from school today I see our lollipop lady. She is singing song in Irish language too complicated to explain ever. She see I down in the rubbish dump – English expression for you is depressed – and does her cheer-up thing. She still wearing her reindeer antlers and tinsel and say ‘Christmas isn’t over, darling, ‘til the fat man squeaks.’ I not understand either. She sees Monika about to do her blubbering and gives her a big hug – is lots of glittering of her tinsel. Then she lets me look in her hole. We sees new curries, the lottery tickets, picture of Father Christmas selling computers. Mrs G tell me to make wish again. I stare at curry with yellow sultanas and make it. She wave her lollipop and say ‘Have you ever known my hole to let us down yet?’ I say thank you and walk across road, only car come and Mrs G must run out and hit with lollipop as if knight’s sword. ‘There,’ she say. ‘we don’t want nasty 4 x 4s to spoil our wishes do we?’

Is only minute later I sees him. My Sven! But is with Cressida Self woman. Why Sven not tell me he back? Why is he with woman he say he not want to be with no more? I takes your advice that I not to let him think I am desperate person to see him again. Men, you is right, need to come running to us women and not to let think we cannot live a moment without them near. It was good you don’t speak to Mart for a week as surely it is this make him worry and love you even more and buy you Joan Rivers fashion diva brooch, bracelet and earring set you was wanting. I goes into telephone box which is nearby and pretend to make telephone call except I then realises there is no telephone. It has been stolen. This is unlucky. It not good idea to stand in telephone box unless you make telephone call. But then door opens. ‘Hallo, Monika.’ I am still remembering your words, honestly, as I am falling into Sven’s arms and he kiss me and I lay head on his furry collar. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch,’ he say with apologies. ‘Things they just got crazy again, as soon as I got back. I hope you will forgive me.’ I not say anything. I not know if I thinking anything. ‘I did some thinking in Stockholm, Monika. I met with some friends who are now actors in Sweden and they are either unemployed or are trying to appear in the adverts for Domestos. I now see if I am to fulfil my dream of being a real actor I will need more money. I have told my modelling agency I wish to continue.’

Sven he now look down even guiltier as I am sure he will next say that we will stay friends but that is all. I feel my stomach going down the stairs but is never reaching the bottom.
‘I would like you to come with me to the English countryside for a long weekend,’ he say.
‘You mean….’ I says, ‘together?’

‘Both of us, Monika. I have never been to Oxfordshire. I have heard it’s very beautiful. In a house that goes back to the time of the Elizabethans and has big fires with logs.’
And all this time I worrying he not bothering with me and is finding girls with long blonde hair like out of Hollyoaks (TV series I watch with children while we has fish fingers – only moderate sex and bad talking). Everything that is going round my head swirling like thick vegetable soup it now comes out in one word: YES.

‘… Antony and Cressida have asked me to look after Josh as they will be entertaining friends there.’
‘Us in the same house as her?’ My stomach go back up stairs to where it was previous.
‘It’s their house, Monika. It belonged to Antony’s father. I didn’t explain properly. Cressida has offered me my old room back while my modelling work is being arranged. But I will only have to look after Josh at weekends as he is at a new school.’
Oh, Kaja, he is even more handsome than I remember. He looks as if taken out of a golden mould and is only original one allowed and should be in special museum with many security guards. I see him dressed like English gentleman in the Upstairs Downstairs in nice waistcoat and smelling of man flowers and me wearing nice dress and not speaking much so that people think I am English lady.

He is young man with career and needs all help he can get. Is only one opportunity and he must be taking it. I say ‘yes.’ Then he is like a rabbit rubbing gently at my face until there is two rabbits doing this snuffling. ‘But only,’ I not know why I says and is difficult when you is both pretending to be rabbits, ‘if we brings Mrs Awale and Ahmed. They need holiday too.’ He say he will mention this to Cressida. Then we is rushing back to Merryfields Avenue, our quick breaths frozen in the air and I wonder if I still in dream.