I wake up in our lovely warm bed

I wake up early in our lovely warm bed. I think I am the luckiest person ever and I never want it to end. But I know it must when Josh and Ahmed come into room and Ahmed say ‘are you both dead Monika and Sven?’ and they prodding us with light sabre thing. ‘Why are you not wearing any clothes?’ he ask us. I say hot and he cheeky little boy. Josh say they is looking for Sven and we must go downstairs.

I never see Cressida so pleased to see me and Mrs Awale. ‘Oh, how lovely to see you,’ she say. ‘It was so nice of you to come.’ She wearing white coat that will never have the dirty marks on it. Her voice sound kissing like and grateful as if we is saving her life. ‘Oh, Olga,’ she look at me tearful-like. ‘Our caterers have let us down at the last minute because of flu or something and I’ve got eighty people coming this evening.’ I think she will cry but she hold off long enough to give me and Mrs Awale long list for village shop and packet of forty J Cloth. I is meeting Antony on stairs, in white also. He say ‘how nice to meet you again, Svetlana. I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of each other this weekend.’

They is wanting Sven to stay behind for helping so rest of us goes to village. Is asleep-like place having nice small houses with hairy tops and people that is doing a lot of standing and staring. They is looking at Mrs Awale and Ahmed as if they invaders from space and Mrs Awale is worried they be arrested. London is lots of multiculturals and restaurants. But here in countryside there is only fish and chips (eated in newspaper) and people waiting at bus stop (never comes).

Shop person when they see Mrs Awale ask is she Naomi Campbell because they know Cressida has lots of famous people with her. Josh is quiet for a moment and then he say we not allowed to say anything because is private event and his parents do not want the OK Magazine to know. Someone ask if she will give her autograph. Soon is others too and Josh say Ahmed will sign for her as Naomi does not like touching other people’s dirty things and they is to understand she also likes to receive a small fee. When they complains her name is not spelt right Josh say that is way Naomi like to spell it as you cannot expect someone to be top in the spelling and fashion and they would not like her to get violent otherwise. We nearly forgets our order as shop person is allowed to shake hand of Mrs Awale and says she will not wash it for a week.

We spends afternoon in kitchen. Cressida call us ‘a blessing in disguise’. There will be a Moroccan theme for the party and she is sure Mrs Awale will do some of her native dishes. I very pleased as last time I did falafel it vanish into frying pan. I know that back in her country Mrs Awale wife of important man in government with big house and full electricity. But I decide Cressida not be wanting to know that. Is best she believe Mrs Awale useful for the cooking so she is alright to be there. Is then Sven come in kitchen and ask if we is alright. I know Sven look by now and when I hear gentle stammer I know he saying something he not want to say. ‘The party this evening won’t be very long, Monika, and we will be together afterwards.’ ‘You means Sven Appelson, Monika is not invited and you too embarrassed to tell me.’ He look embarrassed. I not mind. I only has old jeans and jumper from the Primark., I tell him. Then Josh and Ahmed they goes off while we does the preparation.

Is only later when we has finished, Mrs Awale and me goes for quick walk. We decide to go to her room and spend evening watching Strictly Dancing (bad English dancing) and Casualty (bad English hospitals) on TV with some nice food. But is then Josh and Ahmed meet us and tell us to go to shed. I cannot believe eyes, because is beautiful dress hanging there next to lawn mower and spade things. ‘We borrowed this specially for Ahmed’s mum, there were loads of them lying around, ‘ says Josh. ‘It’s second hand,’ he add in case we worry. I not seen Mrs Awale so happy for long time. I helps her put it on and I say she will be able to do her dancing with the television programmes this evening. She look like proper Arab woman with so many colours in dress it make Joseph and his Coat of Many Colours look like Latvian drain cleaner. Josh apologise that there is nothing for me but they couldn’t find right things in my size.

There is much talk and laughing from the house. Is many sounds because window is open with Moroccan lamps like tiny houses and candles pretending it is Marakesh. Then suddenly the people are doing the clapping and saying we must come in.

There is colourful sheets from ceiling and many cushions on floor where people is smoking (not the cigarettes) and drinking and having close relations with each other. They is all doing their kissy kissy like the birds pecking on the grass, with men doing to men also but they is artistic people so no one is minding. Then is Cressida about to explode like a bomb. She say ‘my dress, she’s wearing my Vivienne Westwood.’ But then is big applause that fill room like wave and they is saying to her:

‘Cressida, it’s fantastic – you didn’t tell us you were bringing in whirling dervish.’
‘It’s a high-point, darling. You did this to get into Londoner’s Diary, didn’t you?’
‘You know, Momo is going to be so green.’

Josh and Ahmed is talking to Mrs Awale. ‘They think you Arab lady,‘ Ahmed explain to mother. ‘You not Naomi Cambell now.’ She look more confused than I see her yet. ‘Mum, they want you to do some dancing.’ Mrs Awale she not moving. ‘I know,’ say Josh and he disappear. The next thing we is hearing The Tweenies Song and is Josh and Ahmed doing the dancing and is moving Mrs Awale around like she spinning top, poor lady. Sven is coming up to me and in dark we can do more than bird pecking.
‘What a brilliant concept, Cressida,’ say woman with green hair like pile of twigs.
‘It’s like Dada meets situationism meets a children’s birthday party. I think you should seriously think about submitting it for the Turner Prize. Where do you get your ideas from?’
‘Er, I just let them emerge organically,’ say Cressida.
When music end we fall down on cushions and there is more drinking. Josh and Ahmed go round with collecting bowl for Mrs Awale. Sven he say ‘Excuse me, Monika, I need to meet some people before they go. I hope you don’t mind.’ Moment he is gone Antony come up to me. ‘Thank you for a very nice piece of added value. It was very amusing.’ I say it not me. He say I very modest little person. Antony he smoking the not-cigarettes like many others. He has shirt open so that I see he has white chest hair like old sheep and I am expecting him to do the baa baa. He ask me if I want to cool off in garden and before I know he has led me outside. Is cold and I hear party noises but it feel like million miles from people I know. He want to show me garden, he say. I say I already seen it, but he take my hand. Is so dark I not see anything but then I feel his hand is trying to take off my Primark and he is saying rude word. Instead he make me feel his chest: is like hoirrid blanket you sleep on at relatives that once in Red Army. Is then puts my hand on another part and say ‘You probably now that Cressida and I have an open marriage. I’m afraid I don’t know what that is in Finnish but, put it like this, it means we’ll never be in a situation where we have to divide up our Margaret Drabbles.’ I make scream but music so loud no one hear me. The next I know is big cry and then Antony is not there. I hear sound from bush like cow that has fallen into big hole and knows it will never get out of. ‘Are you alright Monika?’ I hear a whispering. I say yes and Sven is taking me across garden to shed place. He close door and we sit on floor. Is only light from part of a moon but I not scared now. I feel arm around me.
‘Please,’ I say. ‘Is only horrible drunk man. But what will Antony say to you?’
‘He didn’t see me. It is alright.’ There is silence between us. ‘You are probably wondering why I stay with them.’
‘It is none of my business,’ I say
‘They let me meet people who are useful for my future. You see these,’ Sven undoes his jacket and shows me business cards on floor like it game of poker.
‘These are all artistic people: gallery owners, an advertising agency director, a video producer, magazine editors … and they all want to work with me. They think I have something.’
‘Good,’’ I say. ‘It is good. We all know you have something.’
‘It won’t always be like this, Monika, I promise.’
‘Of course,’ I say and then we is quiet and I is thinking I must be so much in love as I am not even worried about the spiders or the other nasty ones.